That’s the long and short, I guess. I’m sorry for any formatting issues; I’ve copy/pasted this from an odt file, and it was NOT playing nicely. So. If something stands out that I’ve missed, let me know, please.
This begins her origin story and her very first boyfriend…along with another lesson in loss that will set her on the path that leads her to Skyrim, in the first place. Enjoi!
Oh, and if it bothers you, there is at the very end a depiction of sex between a seventeen-year-old boy and a fifteen-year-old girl. Some people get squeamish about it, but it’s what teenagers do. And it’s pretty vanilla, so nothing crazy or weird. Just FYI.
I never knew my mother; she died giving birth to me. Daddy said she had too small a frame, and there was no midwife. Given the circumstances, then, Daddy and I were very close. He was a mage, a scholar, but not one affiliated with any of the guilds across Tamriel. He preferred to be out on his own, learning what the outdoors could teach him, and so we traveled all over, setting up camp when and where we needed to, settling for a while in one place or another, sometimes for weeks if he or I liked the spot well enough. We weren’t wealthy, but we made do, and all was well. At least it was until I turned eleven.
Daddy had been wandering the woods nearby our camp while we were home in Cyrodiil. He never did tell me what exactly happened out there out of a wish to keep me from worrying, but whatever happened resulted in his infection with a nasty case of what I imagine was brain fever. In a day his forehead was hotter than fire, in two he began to forget things. By day three, he didn’t recognize me, and by day four he was gone.
I tried all I could, but we were out in the middle of nowhere, and we didn’t have the necessary ingredients for me to prepare even a basic potion to soothe his discomfort, not that I was all that good at that point, anyway. Some would say I should have gone running to the nearest village, and I would say that perhaps they’re right, but I couldn’t bear to leave his side. I was frightened for him, and though now, in retrospect and from the perspective of an adult, I could say that my leaving to find help wouldn’t have sped his demise, to the mind of what was then a skittish, eleven-year-old girl, to leave may as well have meant giving up on him.
I was too small to bury him. I got the idea to burn his corpse from a memory of reading a book detailing certain cultures’ cremation practices and how great, beautiful pyres would be built for the most important people. Daddy might not have been a military leader or a ruler, but he was important to me. And so I set about moving him into a clearing and covering him with dry brush and wood, using the flame spell he’d taught me not too long before to execute the grisly act. It took hours and hours. Hours of trying with all my might to keep the flame alive in the beginning, and hours for the deed to be done. The smell as the flames got to him was hideous, and the pain was unbearable. In the end, I took some ashes, and a few finger bones, and slipped them into a tiny leather pouch that I keep to this day.
What happened next is still a blur in my mind, but somehow I made it to the Imperial City. I was a sight, I’m sure: half starved, already ragged clothes falling apart at the seams. It made me feel so small and so frightened, this tiny waif skittering along amongst men and women in finery the likes of which she’d never seen, made microscopic by gleaming architecture older than she could imagine. I’d heard of the city, sure, but how does one prepare?
I had no idea why I’d sought it out or what I planned to do once I’d found it, but my uncertainty was laid to rest when I ran into (literally) another girl, about my age. Her name was Jana, an orphan like me. She took me by the hand and led me down by the docks where there were beggars and ruffians and other generally rough-looking people. There were a few other kids our age and older, all on their own for one reason or another, and they all watched out for each other, just as a few of the adults, including some who I found out later were members of the Thieves Guild.
In particular, there was one boy I immediately fell for. Of course, at eleven years old I only barely understood any of it, but all I knew was that he was thirteen, Dunmer, with a pleasing face and a chirpy manner of speaking that caused my chest to tighten as I tried to hold in squeals of delight. His name was Sedave, and he teased me unmercifully. Nothing mean-spirited, of course; simply the language of a young boy’s fancy. His parents were still alive, as far as anyone knew. Jana told me he’d shown up after running away from home and stowing away in a merchant ship’s hold.
Jana and I became inseparable. We rarely left each other’s sight, and I made my new home sharing her surprisingly cozy and charming cubbyhole tucked between the poles and struts of the wooden walkways. We made it our own, with bits and pieces of interesting things we made off with or found. In the cold we had the blanket I’d brought with me and each other for warmth. Nobody bothered us or stole from us, partially because it was a pain to get at if one was much bigger than we ever were. Fitting wasn’t the problem as much as wending one’s way through beams and supports. By the time everything went wrong even Jana had trouble with it; there certainly are some benefits to being as small as I am.
We made our way working together. Jana was unspeakably beautiful, with large doe eyes and long black hair, and I was tiny and silent. Tourists were always our best and safest bets. She would get their attention in some way, often by pretending to fall and scrape her knee, or sometimes just mewling pitifully about her empty stomach. Once a target was well and truly occupied, that’s when I would swoop in, deftly snatching whatever was of use. Sometimes it was money, sometimes it was something that would be of interest to the Thieves Guild fence, which was sold via an older kid or an adult with ties whom we knew we could trust.
For a while, things were…well, I can’t say “perfect” considering our status as homeless orphans, but it was as close to perfect as I could have hoped for. I missed Daddy more than anything, but at least I knew I wasn’t alone.
Then, when I was fifteen and Jana was fourteen, she was spotted in a crowd by a much older man. He wasn’t particularly handsome – not to me, anyway – but he approached Jana and promised her the moon. I didn’t like him. He was far too old to be showing interest in girls our age, and his demeanor was oily and uncomfortable. The energy he gave off raised the hair on my arms.
But Jana was taken by his attentions. He would make trips into the city and gift her with expensive clothes, foreign delicacies that thickened my blood just to look at them, and jewelry. She began, now that she was able, fixing her hair in plaits and ribbons, and, but for the dirt which just couldn’t be scrubbed away when one’s only hope for cleanliness comes in the form of frigid water, she no longer looked like one of us.
That last bit makes it sound as if I didn’t want for her comfort, but I simply couldn’t shake the notion that nothing good would come of any of this. It was only compounded by the fact that all of this attention was changing my friend for the worse.
One day she wound her way into our hiding spot where I was sitting, reading a tattered book I’d found in the street.
“Aria!” she almost shouted, “You’ll never believe what happened!”
“Felix wants to take me home with him!”
My stomach knotted. “You mean…”
“To live with him!”
“You’re not actually going to, are you?” I asked, hoping my voice was shaking less than it felt like.
Jana looked stung. “Well why not? You can’t expect me to live here under the docks my whole life, scraping by.”
“Felix is bad news, Jana. I don’t think you should go with him.”
“You keep saying that and you never give any reason.”
She began gathering what meager belongings she possessed.
“It’s just a feeling I have. He’s in his fifties, at least-”
“Whatever. He’s forty-eight, and he just wanders into town one day and picks out a fourteen-year-old girl. An orphaned fourteen-year-old girl.”
“So? Isn’t that what we all dream of? A warm home with caring parents?”
“You don’t seriously think that, do you? That he’s out to be your father? What kind of person courts an orphan before adopting them?”
“What kind of person takes home a dress without having it tailored?”
A sudden, confusing laugh burst from my lips. “Do you hear what you’re saying?”
“He’s never once tried anything,” she said firmly. “It’s not proper to take a girl home if you’re interested in her romantically, anyway.”
“Are you interested in him that way?”
“Don’t be silly. He’s old, like you said. You know what I think? I think you’re jealous.”
“I’m done talking about this. Felix is waiting for me, and I can’t waste time arguing with you over my happiness.”
“I thought you were happy here with me,” I said quietly. “With all of us.”
Jana rolled her eyes as she fit what she could into a ragged knapsack. “Grow up, Aria. We’re not children anymore, and a girl has to look out for her best interests. This way I’ll always be clean, and fed, and I’ll actually have a chance at being someone.”
That night, long after Jana had left for good and after I’d exhausted my supply of tears, I got up and left what was now my cubbyhole and began wandering the docks. My chest felt hollow, my stomach was in knots, and I couldn’t shake this now-perpetual feeling of dread.
“Wotcher, Speck,” I heard a voice call to me from the wall separating the docks from the city proper. I didn’t need to look to know it was Sedave. Accent aside, he was the only one who called me that.
“Hi Sedave,” I said. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”
“Been busy, haven’t I? Fink I might be part of the Guild soon.”
“What’s wrong? Your eyes is gone all shiny.”
I took a deep breath and ran my forearm across my eyes. “Jana left.”
“Wivvat old fella, yeah? Finally coaxed her away, did he?”
“Yeah. And I don’t think she should’ve gone.”
“Let’s go for a walk, hey? Easier to fink that way.”
We walked in silence for a while, through back alleys and empty streets. Every now and then we’d inadvertently startle a cat foraging for scraps who’d break its neck trying to get away from the two kids trudging along in silence. Finally Sedave took an audible breath and broke that silence.
“So she just up and left, eh?”
“Yeah,” I said. “She came into our cubby and started gathering her things. No warning or anything. I told her not to.”
“I fink we all would’ve.”
“Maybe if we all rallied around her she would’ve stayed. But maybe she’s right. Maybe I am just jealous, or maybe I’m afraid of being alone. Or something.”
“You fink so?”
I sighed and thought for a minute. “No. No, I don’t. That man gives me the creeps. I know that’s not nice to say without a good reason, but there’s something about him…it’s just him altogether. The way he looks at her. It makes me feel dirty, and it wasn’t even me he was ever looking at.”
“Fink she was attracted to him?” he asked.
“No. She said he just wants to take her in. Adopt her. She doesn’t find him attractive at all, and I’m glad. That guy could make a skeever jealous, he’s so oily and gross.”
“But I guess what’s done is done,” I said, feeling my chest hitch again.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you’re worried, ain’t ya? Ever done any spyin’?”
I shook my head.
“I know you’ve staked out targets. That’s like spyin’, innit?”
“I guess so. What are you getting at?”
I looked over as he shrugged and kicked a piece of rubbish that was in his path. “Say he comes back into the city, right? Follow ‘im home when he leaves. Then you’ll be able to see if your fears is warranted, right?”
“I guess so. But he lives out of the city, and who knows how far! What if he has a horse?”
“Ah, yeah…” he said. “How’sis then: I’ve got connections these days, you know, and most everyone in our little pocket of poverty and ill-repute know who he is thanks to our Jana. I could probably find someone willin’ to follow him proper. That way they can come back to you and tell you where he lives.”
“They won’t do that for free,” I pointed out despondently. “What could I offer to someone like that?”
“Well,” he began, chuckling a little and casting a glance over at me.
“I’m just sayin’ you’re a pretty little fing, is all.”
“You’re not really…”
“I’m joking, Speck!” he laughed.
I shoved him hard enough that he stumbled sideways. He almost fell into a fountain.
“Aw, c’mon. You know I wouldn’t let nuffin’ like that happen.”
I looked at him, feeling my eyes begin watering again. He didn’t normally tease me in such an ugly way. He stood, looking a little abashed by what he’d done, tall and lanky in the grass we weren’t really supposed to be standing on. His skin and hair were so dark all I could really see were his eyes, searing crimson tinged with violet flecks.
“You do know that, right?” he asked with a seriousness I’d never heard from him before.
“Yeah,” I relented. His habit of teasing notwithstanding, he’d always made sure Jana and I, and the other younger kids, were okay. “Yeah, I do know.”
His smile returned and he hooked his thumbs into his pockets in his practiced, cocky way. “Besides, fink I might get jealous, seein’ you wiv someone else.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it, being that I don’t think I’d like using my body as currency.”
“Gimme some leeway, Speck, I’m tryin’a flirt wiv ya!”
“Well you’re not very good at it.”
Sedave smirked and looked down as he kicked a divot into the ground with the toe of his scuffed hobnail boot. I sighed and went over to sit on the fountain wall. I hadn’t wanted to make my friend feel bad, especially when he was finally coming on to me in the way I’d always hoped…sort of. I worried that I’d put him off entirely, the perfect cap to an awful day, but soon enough he came to sit next to me.
“Aria,” he said. I couldn’t remember the last time he’d used my proper name, and I almost jumped as I looked over. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’ta said what I did. I was just hopin’ I could make you laugh.”
“It’s alright. It’s how you’ve always coped, but it’s just not how I do it.”
“We’ll find a way to check on our Jana, alright? That I promise. I’ll even pay for it if I have to.” “How?”
“I’m comin’ into my own, ain’t I?” he laughed. “These clothes didn’t buy themselves, hey?”
“I’m glad for you.”
“If you like you can be my little princess in rags?”
That did make me laugh a little, and as I looked up his lips were on mine. All at once everything seemed to disappear. Something I had dreamed of, had consumed me those nights I could slip away for a while, was actually happening. His slender hand on my face sent chills all along my spine, and a fire I hadn’t thought possible to kindle in light of everything that had happened ignited in a flash.
It was a little awkward; I’d read more about kissing than I’d ever even seen people do it, let alone doing it myself. I bumped his teeth with mine, I’d pull away just as he slipped his tongue between my lips. But I felt him smile through our play, heard him laugh quietly.
“I’m sorry,” I said eventually. My cheeks were burning.
“Nuffink to be sorry for, love,” he grinned. “We all gotta start somewhere, don’t we?”
“This isn’t your…you know…your first time, is it?” I asked, knowing full well what the answer was going to be.
“I’ve been around a few times.”
“Hopefully I won’t scare you away.”
Sedave laughed. “It’s my turn, that’s all. I’ll treat ya right, Speck.”
He pressed his lips to mine again, but this time he took my left hand and guided it between his legs. There was warmth that grew the closer he pulled it, until my palm was pressed against a rigid mass beneath his black leather pants. He angled his hand downwards so that my fingers slid over something much softer and more yielding, and as a quiet moan escaped around our kiss, I felt that flickering fire flare, and my legs pressed themselves together on their own.
Novels I’ve read have women describing their first time as magical. I don’t know if I can say that about mine. It was nice, of course, and very lovely, but at the same time, it was base and earthy. It was raw and laid bare, and I loved it. Sedave knew what he wanted. He knew what I wanted. We were teenagers in lust with each other, and nothing was going to stop us, not even the fear of being spotted by a patrolling guard.
Sedave, without breaking our kissing session, began unlacing his fly, sighing with relief as he pulled himself out. I looked down and bit my lip. It was, in all honesty, fairly average, but I’d never seen a penis that was hard before, and it was more than a little intimidating.
“It’s awfully big,” I said timidly.
“Oh yeah?” Sedave answered curiously. Then, realizing what he had done, he hastily added, “I mean, yeah. Yes. Yes it is.”
I couldn’t help giggling, but luckily Sedave found it amusing enough to laugh with me. “Fink ya might put your mouf on it?
“My mouth?” I repeated uneasily. “Yeah. Feels awfully nice. You don’t have to, accourse.”
Not being one to be accused of not trying new things, I slid off the fountain wall and sat on my knees in the grass. Carefully I reached out and put my hand around it. I immediately liked it. The skin was so soft and delicate, covering something that was hard as stone. I could feel the veins beneath it, adding texture as I ran my hand up the length of it.
“Ah,” Sedave gasped. “You can do that a while, too, if you like.”
I smiled as I looked up to see him biting his lip as I stroked him.
“You can squeeze it a little,” he said. “Right at the head…ooh that’s it…” I noticed after a few strokes like that, that there was a wetness on the side of my thumb. I was momentarily worried about its nature.
“What’s that?” I asked. “That liquid.”
Sedave chuckled. “It’s not what you’re probably finkin’. It just means you’re doin’ it right.”
I looked at it, then, feeling it was time. I held it firmly, pointing it towards my face. As I drew closer, the acrid stench of sweat caused me to balk, but I was determined, and finally I was close enough to plant a kiss right on the tip. Sedave moaned, and I felt his hand on the back of my head, stroking my hair. Slowly I slipped the head past my lips and did what I felt seemed right: I sucked, hanging onto the suction as I pulled it back out.
“By the Eight n’ Free,” he gasped. “You’re a natural.”
I grinned and felt my cheeks warm as I blushed at the praise. This time I took more of him in, and on the next stroke more, sucking the whole time, learning as I went the art of breathing through my nose with my mouth obstructed. Finally he pressed against the back of my throat, and I gagged.
“Easy, Speck,” he sighed. “No rush, love.”
I was happy that he wasn’t guiding my speed, which made it all the better when I felt his hand speed up as he continued to stroke my hair while I worked him. Eventually, though, as his breathing grew hard and quick, he gently pushed me away and slid off the fountain wall to sit on the grass. “Getcher pants off, if ya like,” he said. I watched him gingerly play with himself, keeping it hard, keeping himself warmed up.
Eagerly I did as I was told and straddled his legs as he held out his arms. He pulled me into a kiss once more with one hand behind my head while his other slipped between my thighs and parted my outer lips. “And I thought I wanted this,” he chuckled as he felt my wetness. He rubbed his middle finger back and forth over my opening, right over that odd, tiny spot just barely inside that made me shiver.
“Slide it in, Sedave,” I moaned.
I felt him smile around our kiss as he pressed against me, slowly inserting his finger until his palm was cupping me.
“Cor, there ain’t no part of you what ain’t tiny, is there?” he asked.
“I-Is that bad?” I asked with a shaking voice.
“If it’s bad, then ‘good’ would probably kill me.”
I smiled, reassured, as he resumed taking care of me with his finger. The heel of his palm hovered right over my clitoris, that one place, more than any other, I would have died to have him touch. And now, on every inward thrust, he rubbed against it, curling my toes and sending me into fits of moaning as I covered his hand with mine and pressed him harder against me.
“In the mood for somefink bigger?” he purred, withdrawing his hand as I drew frustratingly close.
“Will it hurt?” I asked, trying to support myself on my shaking legs.
“I’ll do my best not to let it,” he answered, pulling me closer.
He reached one hand down and held himself, angling it towards me and guiding me down gently with his other hand. There was a bit of trial-and-error; at first he was too low, then he was too high. Once he slipped, which didn’t do much for either of us, in terms of pleasure.
“It’s alright, love,” he smiled, sensing my rising self-consciousness. “Takes some doin’ sometimes, that’s all.”
I offered him a nervous smile as we tried again. This time I felt the tip part my inner lips, and a deep sigh escaped me. Slowly and carefully he began thrusting his hips upwards, pushing himself gradually into me until he filled me completely. I leaned forward then as he began to properly fuck me, kissing him as his pubic pad and its bed of hair pressed against my clit. The hand that wasn’t holding my hip was buried in my hair, and somehow I knew right then that I wasn’t like the others he’d been intimate with. I knew I was his.
“I love how you feel on me, Speck,” he breathed between kisses.
“And you feel so good,” I answered. “I’m so close, Sedave.”
“Come on, then, love, let me feel your tight little pussy.”
I was so maddeningly close, but the physical pressure provided by his pelvis and the mental variety of Sedave’s command didn’t help. Desperately I plunged my hand down and started rubbing my clit, almost immediately feeling myself melting around my new lover. My thighs clenched as Sedave pumped me faster onto his cock, hard and deep enough that I felt him ram against something quite unforgiving and causing a strange, dull pain just below the pit of my stomach. Even so, the ecstasy bloomed between my legs, and in seconds I was crying out far too loudly as the growing tingling culminated in a fiery explosion that turned all my muscles to jelly.
Almost as soon as I began squeezing him, Sedave cursed and leaned his head back, pushing his hips upwards. He clenched his teeth as he froze, and I felt him inside me, his wonderful, tightly-fitting tool throbbing over and over, adding the most amazing layer to my own orgasm, one I could never have imagined on my own.
As we came down, I laid down against him with my arms around his neck and my head on his chest, listening to his heart as it continued to race. After a while he slipped from me, and I felt the warmth of his cum as it trickled down my thighs.
“Oh, Sedave, your good pants!” I said once I remembered what gravity was. It wasn’t the most romantic thing to say after one’s first time, but that’s all that came out of my mouth.
“You’re awful cute, Speck,” he chuckled.
“It’s just you. Always puttin’ aside everyfing for some small worry about someone else. Besides, it’s leather, innit? Nuffink a good scrubbin’ won’t fix, hey?”
I laughed quietly, letting everything settle properly. “That was…That was…Wow.
“Not so bad yerself,” he smiled as he lifted my chin to kiss me. “So whaddaya say?”
“Bein’ each ovver’s. Exclusive-like.”
“It’s all I’ve dreamed about for a long time,” I said . “So’ve I, if you couldn’t tell.”
“Why didn’t you say anything sooner?” I grinned.
He shrugged, gently pushing me off and pulling out a rag from his back pocket. He dipped it in the fountain and handed it to me so that I could wipe up as best I could. “I d’know. There’s teasin’ and all, but you’re smart, ain’t ya? Well-read and all. I didn’t fink you’d want me this way. Why didn’t you say anyfing?”
“I don’t know,” I answered sheepishly, rinsing the rag before handing it back so he could wipe off himself and his pants. “It seemed weird for the girl to do it.”
“I suppose we’re in it now, anyway,” he smiled, pulling me close once I’d pulled my pants back on. “Let’s go get some sleep, hey? Betcha I can getcha into my little bed in the guild, then tomorrow we can talk about our Jana.”
“Sounds good,” I smiled, hugging him tightly and returning his kiss.